I’ve spent the better part of the last week plugging my ears to calls to come to Icarus and see the new blood being pumped into the system via STEAM. I’ve got better things to do with my time, but I take it there really is quite an influx as I am definitely seeing more green dots in some areas.
Rather than standing around the FPS-killing noob camp, fixing vehicles or dropping 20 pec L weapons like a typical do-gooder, I’ve decided to embrace the youth in the only style that ever works on them: Telling them clearly, honestly and directly what they need to do :rolleyes:.
So here’s the grocery list of champions! I’ve even categorized it so you can get to the nuggets of wisdom most relevant to your immediate interests.
HUNTING:
0. Don’t bother learning the hotkeys or interface. You’re here to make money, not adapt to the quirky interface of a one-of-a-kind MMO.
- The L in L items (like armor and weapons) stands for LOSER, so dispense with that junk and go straight for unlimited everything from the start! With a pricy barrier to entry, you’ll definitely make a good first impression and show that you’re no poor by rocking UL gear on day one.
- For your boomstick slot, get yourself a Level 100 old-school loot 1.0 weapon! Go for the really corny ones with abbreviations like “DOA” in the name, as that’s the Rizz here. Bonus points if you overamp the thing also, because that’s how we rolled back in the day! You’ll have every uber from Calypso to Toulan in a nostalgic mess upon seeing you decked out in that swag and 2 agility to your name - just like they did back when you needed a modem to get onto the internet.
- Hunt the biggest f-ing thing you come across! Bonus points if you die multiple times and have to run out there to engage the thing again and again as half of its health has regenerated. The majority of ‘people in the know’ will affirm to you that decay (not efficiency) is what unlocks loot. Much like life you have to spend a shit-ton of money to even have a chance at making a few cents, so tank that thing all day if you have to.
- Never hunt in teams because there is no I in TEAM. This is YOUR story. You don’t want the shame of having to share an ATH entry under some team name like “We wuz Hoffin’ n sheet!” Make sure they scream your name only!
MINING:
0. Mining is the in-game equivalent of telling your parents you’re gay. Nevertheless, sometimes you need to recoup peds from bad loot waves, and mining is a time-tested method to save yourself from having to deposit again.
- Only fools run around like headless chickens, so you will stand in one spot and drop hundreds or even thousands of probes. This is how you maximize extraction of a particular area.
- When low on PEDs, take a flight to F.O.M.A. [affectionately known as F*** Off, Mind Ark asteroid] and be sure to have plenty of D-class mining amps in your inventory. This is where dreams are made! Pick a dome and move earth! And remember: STAND IN ONE SPOT while emptying your arsenal of probes and amps! The big one is always just another click away!
- Mining for Treasure on Arkadia is the new META!
CRAFTING:
- Careful … this feature is bugged and causes you to inadvertently uninstall the game!
SOCIALIZING:
0. Read up on the lore and history of notable players past and present and the who’s who of societies. You definitely need to know the correct time to drop names of players or societies so you can appear cultured and connected like a true member of the Entropian aristocracy. Bonus points if you claim you used to play on an old account when they were around. That’s the equivalent of having seen Jesus walk on water, and you’ll be welcomed into any gossip ring in Entropia. Even moar bonus points if you refer to people as ‘my friend’ who holds the all-time ATH, or ‘my cousin’ who owned an asteroid and then sold it and bought a planet.
- The all-encompassing determiner of class in Entropian society: HIT POINTS [HP for short]! Oh, yes! When it comes to HP, you’ll find that you’re always in the middle. There are the gods above, and the scum below you. The appropriate way to speak to anyone with less HP than you is to disagree with any theory they propose, shoot down their highest loots as ‘MEH!’ and generally just ignore them because anyone with <100 HP SHOULD NOT EXIST to someone with 101 hp! Also revere and respect and repeat ANYTHING a player with higher HP than you says. They have higher HP, they know more, it’s that simple, OK?! Lower HP = noob, stupid, less than you, ignore. Higher HP = uber, experienced, worth sucking up to. It’s the way of this world, and remember to always select STAMINA when codexing! Agility is for idiots who run. HP is for tanks who slog it out!
- Being a ‘noob’, many will want to mentor you or absorb you into their society. Click ‘ACCEPT’ on any popup and don’t bother asking the person if you are in the same time zone, what they do in the game or how they will go about guiding you.
- [BONUS] If no popup comes, then why follow when you can lead? Make your own soc and surround yourself with a simp army! You can bask in a flood of ‘OMG Grats!!’ messages flooding soc chat every time you global on Daspletor Stalkers. Savor the art of the tease on every HOF when your simps beg to know ‘Did you get any item?!’ Remember branding is everything, so choose a badass name like ‘Rectal Rangers’ or throw in an archaic word for the color ‘red’ to advertise that your soc means business! Train and march your troops to one day join in Land Squatting events and carve out your square in Entropia’s equivalent of Seattle’s Jungle.
GENERAL:
- It takes only 2 seconds to protect an item from accidentally TTing it or trading it … but don’t waste your time on this, because that’s what this forum is for. If you do TT or Trade away your modfap for pennies, just come and whine here and you’ll feel better.
- 2-Factor Authentication is a waste of 5 minutes of your time to protect your growing investment (given that you are following the advice in this thread so carefully). Remember to use a weak password. You want to give the hackers fair notice that you have no fear of their nefarious efforts. But in the event that you do get hacked, you can blow off some steam [haha, pun intended] here on the forum and write a negative review cause everyone was responsible for your account safety EXCEPT YOU!
- Because Mindark RIGOROUSLY checks all accounts making withdrawals to ensure that people are legit, you have NOTHING to worry about when it comes to lending out gear or PEDs to socmates or strangers. Give at least 3 years before you accuse someone of having stolen your stuff. Remember, people have real lives too outside of EU.
- Do fly fully loaded with stackables in your inventory (the more the better) through space! It’s thrilling and nobody ever gets taken out by those sleeping space pirates. You’ll be fine just like everyone who brags they just transferred their ATH from Next Island to Calypso and saved the 20 PED warp fee like a boss! Bad things only happen to other less cool people. You’re the main character here, so relax.
PVP:
- You likely won’t make it to within 2 clicks of the Oil Tower, but that doesn’t mean you need to sit with your mouth closed when noobs ask about going to the rig. Just brag how you and your buddies once held the rig with nothing but Opalos and Powerfists and then spent all your oil getting Globals on Aurli. There’s one born every minute, and somehow they all held the rig at one point.
ECONOMY:
- Buy any and every type of ‘Real Estate’ MA releases. Just like in real life, property prices are always going up because god isn’t making any more land. BONUS points if you get a plot with gardens! Land Plot Deeds are also as good as currency - that’s why they cost so much despite no longer being tradeable for land plots!
NOSTALGIA:
- Become nostalgic as soon as you encounter your first loot downturn and speak of last week like it was some f-ing Utopian Golden Age you and a privileged few had the epic experience of living through. Every day was just profit and Uber UL item drops! It was raining Mod Nanos and Animal Muscle oil was selling at 65434% markup! And always be on the lookout for the arrival of another golden age. You’ll notice it’s approach as everything in game starts taking on a piss-colored hue.
There’s much more I could/should share, but I’ve done enough charity for one day.
I give you my personal guarantee that if you follow every point in this guide to the T, you will ABSOLUTELY see your ass in high definition in Entropia universe. Now go out there and slay!
