[SIZE=5]The Easy Way Out[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]By Rain Man[/SIZE]
Once upon a time, long ago on the planet Earth, there was a man named Bob. Bob was an average guy, with a wife and kids and a nice house. Bob worked in a factory where his task was to assemble lawnmowers. Bob was a lawnmower assembly technician. He liked his job and he made enough money to pay for his house and support his family.
One afternoon, as he was assembling a lownmower, his boss approached him. “Bob,” he said, “I’d like to give you a promotion. I think you’d do much better in another department.” Bob was intrigued and asked for more information. “We need an extra man in the Button Pushing Department of the factory,” his boss continued. “I think you’re the right man for the job.” Bob was excited, and readily agreed. Button pushing? How exciting!
Bob returned home that day and told his family of the excellent news. He was getting a promotion! The children sang a nice song. That night, Bob and his wife made love in ways they never thought possible before.
When Bob arrived at work the next morning, he was directed to his new work area, the Button Pushing Department. He was introduced to some of the other workers, including a nice man named John. Bob was directed to his new workspace: a large metal wall with a single, fist-sized red button on it.
One of the other workers explained Bob’s new task. “What you’ve gotta do here, Bob, is push this here button about once every five seconds. After you push it, you’ll hear a little click noise. That means it’s ready to be pushed again.” That sounded easy enough. And it was. On that first day, Bob never skipped a beat. He pushed that button from sunrise to sunset. His boss seemed impressed.
The next day, Bob was again pushing the button when he heard John call to him. “Bob,” he yelled, “come quick, I need help!” Bob quickly pushed his button one last time and dashed off to help his friend. He found John standing back from his green button, which had caught on fire. 'What do we do, Bob?" John asked quizzically. Bob was quick on his feet and grabbed a nearby bucket of water. He threw it on the button and neatly extinguished the fire. “Whew,” John sighed. “That sure was close. I don’t know what might have happened if you hadn’t been here.”
Over the following days, Bob got accustomed to his new job. He pushed the red button as much as he possibly could. The factory was exceeding their quotas and all the workers got a pay raise. Bob was on top of the world - except for one thing.
His job was boring. Just pushing a button all day was not fun at all. Not like lawnmower assembly. Now that was where the fun was. He didn’t know how long he could stay with the button job if it remained as unexciting as it was. He wondered if there were any way to make things easier…
That night, after returning home and hugging his children, Bob set his mind to creating a machine. A machine built for just one purpose: pushing buttons. He gathered his tools and some old junk from the basement and went to his tool shed to see what he could do.
In the morning, Bob headed to work almost as usual. But this time, sitting beside him in the car, was his button-pushing machine. He toted it into the factory, beaming with pride. John seemed impressed.
Bob attached the machine to the wall with a couple of suction cups and switched it on. The machine immediately began to hum and press the button at five-second intervals, as he had created it to. Bob’s job was now cleverly managed by the device. Bob leaned back against the wall, sighed, and read a book for eight hours until it was quitting time.
From then on, Bob’s job was significantly easier. The automatic button pusher buzzed away while Bob drank coffee or talked to John. Sometime’s John’s button caught on fire again but Bob was always around to put the fire out.
Several weeks later, Bob realized something. He didn’t have to go to work at all! As long as he left the machine running, he could let that do the work and bring home the paycheck himself! The following day at closing time, Bob left the machine turned on. He slept soundly, dreaming of money-making machines and the fame he would acquire.
The next day Bob sat home and watched movies rather than going to work. In the factory, the machine hummed away, pushing the button every five seconds. Bob ate potato chips and washed his car. The machine pushed the button. Bob walked around his house in his underwear and drank beer. The machine pushed the button.
This continued for a few days. Since Bob’s wife also worked during the day, she did not know that he was staying home and letting a machine do his work. At the factory, the machine pushed the button. Bob was on top of the world.
Several days later, at approximately 2:27 PM, John’s button caught on fire again. He yelled for Bob to come help him. “Bob! My button’s on fire again! I don’t know what to do!” Nobody answered. “Bob?” The machine that Bob had replaced himself with only pushed buttons. It did not extinguish fires.
The fire on John’s button quickly spread. Soon the Button Pushing Department was aglow with the orange flames of an inquenchable fire. John screamed and ran off for help. The fire continued to spread, devouring everything in its path. The button pushing machine was bunt to a crisp. It stopped pushing the button.
The fire grew out of control. It moved from room to room of the factory, consuming both machines and workers alike. Nobody knew it was coming. Only a few people escaped the burning factory with their lives.
Bob’s wife heard the news of the fire on her way home from work. “Oh, dear! Bob might be in trouble!” Instead of driving home, she swerved her car in the direction of the factory. A ghastly sight greeted her. Flames licked from every window of the building, pushing black smoke high into the air.
“Where’s Bob?” She yelled, trying to get the attention of some workers. “Oh, dear! BOB!” She figured he was trapped inside. Being the courageous, loving wife that she was, she gathered her courage and leapt into the burning building to save her poor husband.
At home, Bob burped. He was watching football on television.
Seven hundred and twenty nine people died in the great factory fire of '05. The cause of the fire was never determined. Bob did not hear about the tragedy until the next day. He never saw his wife again.
Click yourself. Machines are for lazy people.
[SIZE=1](Edited to remove not-niceness)[/SIZE]
Great story anyway!
to RainMain. 