Warning: language is not nice, content is not nice 
Some more proper personality horoscopes:
Aries
You are a pioneer but you despise others openly. You’re short tempered, impatient, violent and you wont listed any advices. At school Aries never learns to read. You’re not a nice person. Usually Aries gets wounded on head and has many scars on face. As an enemy, Aries is good because as an ill-tempered loonie he kills his victims quickly and tortures bodies afterwards. That tells enough about Aries.
Taurus
You are practical and stubborn. You work like nuts but deep down you’re lazy piece of shit. There’s lots of Taurus in mental hospitals – as patients. Most people see you as unpredictable. Politically you are a fanatic. Its common for Taurus to kill own mate to end an argue. Often Taurus is smart enough to shut up but when ever he talks, he gets in trouble. Taurus is boring. When they get old they remind empty beach balls. Taurus are best when marinated.
Virgo
You’re logical and hate when things aren’t in perfect order. You can spend three days cleaning up your room. This annoys others, thus Virgos will never get married. You’re cold and unemotional. On top of that you fall asleep during sex.
Virgos make perfect bus drivers. From all signs, Virgos are probably the most annoying ones. Weird, hypocritical perfectionism and pathological seeking of safety pisses off other signs so much that there’s huge number of serial killers in US prisons who have killed only Virgos. They are very respected in hierarchy of prisons. Of all death sentences, only those for Virgos are executed immediately.
Gemini
You’re quick and smart. Both sexes like you since you’re almost always bisexual. You expect to get everything without doing anything. You’re easy to fool and insane. Schizophrenia is always inherited from a Gemini in family. Gemini can even flirt with own reflection on mirror when drunk. Sometimes they success.
Cancer
You’re empathic and you understand others problems. You are easy to abuse and people laugh behind your back – always. First words that Cancer learns are “I’m mama” – boys and girls will repeat this most of their life. Most people living on a social welfare are Cancers. You cry a lot and loud. You have ridiculous need to bind all people to close to you and then control them with your sick jealous mind. Even at this very moment, billions of people pray that no Cancer would ever fall in love with them.
Leo
You have an illusion that you would be a natural leader. Everyone know that you are just a meaningless wannabe. Most Leos have sadistical nature and many of them get shot in army. You’re vain and you cant take justified critics. Your arrogance is repulsive. Unfortunately Leos tend to be quite rich. Leos shout a lot but time to time a blood vein snaps loose in their brain and smoothing silence falls down.
Libra
You’re weak and unrealistic. If you are a man you’re most likely gay. You success in work and have no problems with money. Libras die due sudden STDs. Only Libra can stare his or her own butt from mirror hour after hour. Libras tend to have nice butts. Unfortunately female Libras haven’t realized that butts are not made just for staring – Libras are not very wanted for short relationships.
Scorpio
You are cunning but never to be trusted. You get to the top because you’re cold blooded tactician. You are very sexual and you start masturbation before elementary school. Biggest turn on for Scorpio is a wife or husband – someone else’s. Most Scorpios get shot in bed (not in their own). Scorpios have extremely strong intuition which tells them who would give them most primitive sex during next 15 minutes. 109% of all Scorpios uses this skill for maximum benefits.
Many who have been a target of Scorpios sexual lust will wonder what hit them even in elders house. If they remember they need to rush into elder house’s toilets to relieve themselves.
Sagittarius
You’re enthustiastic and optimistic. You are stupid to rely on luck you don’t have a least bit. Most of Sagittarius are alcoholics and junkies. When drunk or high all Sagittarius think they are gurus and spiritual leaders. Everyone agree they are ridiculous. If Sagittarius haven’t drunk all his money he wants to travel always. People love Sagittarius when they are gone travelling.
Capricorn
You’re orthodox, whining loser who is simply afraid of risks. You do nothing, thus you’re lazy. No Capricorn has ever made anything significant. Capricorns try to attach others and get something through them. If they don’t success in this they will always blame others. Capricorns have awful tendency to live long.
Aquarius
You think you’re a genius but you are extremely jealous and possessive dictator. You lie a lot. You’re very unpractical and ignorant and you keep doing same mistakes again and again. All people, and even animals, think you’re exceptionally stupid. You are ready to cut off your own head to make your “friend” say “you’re my best friend”.
Pisces
You have wild imagination and you think that secret agents are watching you all the time. You collect arms and binoculars. You have no confidence and you are afraid of everything. Pisces have strong tendency to blackmail. Young Pisces tend to send threatening letters to people and call them with funny names. Because Pisces just imagine things they are unlikely to be dangerous – just loonies. They fit perfectly to background of TV series and street views of news. Pisces frequently commit a suicide because they are so afraid that someone will kill them. Pisces think they can breath underwater thus countless Pisces are found drowned from sea, lakes, rivers and bathtubs. Pisces are best in soup.
eeeek i hope i am not like this!
